Falling again

Alright, so I am falling for shells again. She is doing good attempting to quit Meth, and I couldn't be happier for her. She is an awesome person, and I hope that eventually we do go out, and fall in love. She is kind, fun, has a sexy attitude on life, goal oriented, compassionate, caring, family oriented. Sure she does Meth, but I believe once she is off that, she will be an even better person than she is already, plus she will be an even stronger person for going through it. There are times that I think I am overly hopeful, but you know, I don't really care. I am going to give her my best chance, and if it wasn't meant to be, then it won't be. But I will have had experience, plus I am sure had some wonderful times. We have aruged, and fought in the past, and I know I have said somethings that I regret, and never meant, and would never say again, but we both are working on it. It won't be all sunshine and roses, but she will be there for me, and I for her. Right now especially, she needs me there to help her through trying to quit. And well, I need someone to talk to. We haven't gone out yet, but we are getting there. I have a good feeling that by this time next year we will be a couple. Hey, a guy can hope!

Going along with that, I was at Barnes and Noble last night, and picked up an excellent book on flirting. I am serious about Shells, but for our first date I don't want things to be awkward and silent. So what better way to keep the conversation going, then to flirt? And yes, I did have her in mind when I bought the book, because I am never sure how to carry on a conversation. I am getting there! And flirting really isn't just for romantic relationships, it can be worked to use meet people anywhere, anytime. Just to make conversation. Granted, I feel much more comfortable around girls then I do guys, but ya never know when something might work.

Happy Thanksgiving 2006

It is Thanksgiving again, and there is a lot in my life I am thankful for. Some good, some bad. But I am thankful for it all anyhoo.

First as always, I am thankful for my family. They mean the world to me, and though we sometimes argue, there never seems to be anything we can't put aside, or work through, and at the end of the day, or month, or year, still love each other. This point was made clear to me, yet again, by a friend of mine, who I am hoping to become close to. She was invited to a guys family thanksgiving. Apparently at this get together, no less than 4 fights broke out. Makes me realize how lucky I am to have a family, that can by and large remain calm, and talk things out and actually see each others points of views. Sure, we rib each other a lot. But in our family, it simply means you are loved. Nothing is meant to hurt, and usually it doesn't, and if it does, we can apologize it, discuss it, and move on. I wouldn't trade my family for anything in the world.

Grandma, although you are gone, I am thankful for what you have given me with your passing from this world. Not only are you now not in pain, or suffering anymore, but you have given me the greatest gift anyone has ever given me in my life. You have given me a chance to push forward with my life, your passing, weather it was meant to or not, gave me the courage to push on with my life. I feel as though when you passed on, that you become my guardian angel, and that you are a part of me now, fighting my battles with me, and giving me the courage to push on. I will never forgot this gift. You will always remain in my heart.

Second, I am thankful for the friends I have. It doesn't matter if I am just online friends, or if I know them in real life. We have a good time, and can yet again tease each other in love and respect. We have arguments, but I have never really lost a friend over something serious. This includes the RNG crowd on Second Life - Queenie, Nog, Sly, Chryss, Daph, Fly, Nib, Paca, DoC, and Cordell. These guys mean a lot to me, and though I am still increadably shy around them, and only make the odd comment, I feel like I am one of the gang. Now, there are two people I left out, and that is my SL sister Lisbeth, and my SL love, Jessica. They are like family to me, and kind of qualify as being family. They have seen me through rough times, and have even given me the best advice I can ever get.

New Beginnings

So, for the first time in a year I have a mostly clean room. It felt good to be able to walk around the room without hopping and skipping over clothes, or books, or who knows what else. Even got my futon to fold up into a couch, haven't done that in God knows how long. Going to keep it clean for as long as possible this time. I want to work on improving my life, and this is just one step. I am also getting ready for vocational rehab. I hope they will be able to help me somehow. I want to be independent within the next few years.

Well, I am still trying dating. Hope to get a date soon, but living with social anxiety is not easy when it comes to socializing. I have a hard time being out with people, I have no idea how I would be on a date. Well, maybe I will start heading to local bands and bar hopping to deal with it. Local bands would be better, it just seems that girls are always there with there boyfriends, so while I enjoy the music, it makes it kind of hard to find someone. Well, there is always internet dating, I am sure I can find the right person somehow, though truth be told, I am not sure a relationship is what I am after right now. I am after friends, though I certainly wouldn't complain if I was able to find someone special. And here is the kicker, I get along with women a whole lot better then guys, so I am hoping to find a friend/significant other in one.

On lovingyou.com http://www.lovingyou.com there are a bunch of people complaining about being the only friend catagory, but at the moment, I wouldn't mind that either.

On that note, there are things you take for granted every day, and I am realizing this more and more. For instance, most people take for granted socializing, but there are those of us, that it is a nightmare and it is the only thing on our mind because it causes us so much grief. It isn't that we want don't want to be social, it is more like it is a fear of being social. But there are lots of things I take for granted as well, such as sight, and loving friends/family. There are people who don't have those in their life, and I don't know how I would do with that.

Lavatory Love Machine

Ok, probably could have made a better title, but I happen to be listening to the song, which I love, and frankly that is all I could think of for a title. It will do for now. Mostly love the song because in Second Life, my friend Queenie screams it for the whole sim whenever it is played on Rockngames Radio (http://www.rockngamesradio.com). It just cracks me up. Edguy, who by the way are the ones who did it, would be an awesome group to see. I figure them coming to Utah, is about as likely as Alice Cooper coming though. If Alice or Edguy ever comes, I am so there! Speaking of upcoming shows, Queensryche and Black Label Society are both coming. Would love to see them, but I am not about to pay 35.00 a seat...and still not have anyone to go with me.

So it wasn't the best segway, but I am trying. My good friend would probably go with me, I just can't quit talking about being hopeful and serious I want to be with her. She is wonderful, and so far someone I want to be with. But we are having problems right now with Meth, so I don't know how serious it can be, and I am pushing her away with trying to be serious and wanting to be hers. So, tone down, Duel. Not easy, and I want a romantic relationship...but I think I am going to have to just be friends for now. That is hard for me and something I am going to have to learn how to do, and quickly if I don't want to lose her completely.

Right, so speaking of friends....Had a few come out of the wood work lately! So yeah, friends are always good and maybe I can start actually doing something with them instead of sitting in front of all day waiting for paperwork to either arrive, or get to the correct deptartments so I can get on with my life *glares at social security* Anyway, back to friends. I have a hard time keeping in contact because I never know what to say, how much to tell about my life and what is really going on without scaring them off, so getting to talk to friends again is always good.