Family is important...

..but it is still my life. Despite problems, I am still going to chose my own path. I have to deal with things on my own. I will date who I want, despite what someone in the family may think.

Yes, I am being vague. I don't want to cause problems, but still want to voice my thoughts on the matter.

That said, I have met a wonderful girl, who I hope to be with for a while, maybe even forever. We have talked on and off for the past 6+ months, and I think we are ready to be in a relationship. I can't see who else I would want to be with then her. There are times it is going to be rough, but I think we can handle it. Now we just need to start going out and doing things. Hopefully soon!

Life and Nightmares

So tonight me and the family went to check out a Haunted house. Nightmare on 13th (http://www.nightmareon13th.com). Maybe it is just because I have been to many haunted houses, and have even worked for one for 5 yearrs, but it just didn't pack the same punch as it usually does. Things this year, seemed like it was a lot more empty. I remember last year, and previous years things seemed more....chaotic. This year, most of it was just loud. Loud isn't always scary. It just gets...anoying. I will admit that I did go through most of the haunted house with my fingers in my ears. Mostly because I have sensitive ears. But also because I *knew* something was going to happen. That could be why it was a let down, most of the things I remember happening in years past...didn't. Maybe it is because I am just getting, or getting over the flu, but the strobes, fog, and the gas from the chainsaws made me very sick this year. I only hope Rocky Point does better. On the plus side, however, there was one actor that really stood out, and he has my Kudos for it. He wasn't scary, but he was so into the role that it really made the room come alive. Kudos to who ever played Captain Jack Sparrow. The voice characterization was good, as was the physicallity of his movement. If they had better makeup artists, I would have truly been blown away. As it was, he was very good in bringing the character to life.

This morning I went to see a therapist for my social-phobia, depression, and anxiety. Not much to tell at the moment, but I think I am started to head in the right direction. Monday I am going to try to get my ticket to work from social security and see what I have to do to get some help, either schooling, or a job. Either would be wonderful so I don't feel like I am waisting my life. The thearpist did want to do some individual work, as well as a group therapy, and he wants to get a team on my problems, so I hope things work out. It is wierd, but I have not been taking my pills in the morning, and I am doing so much better. I think I may be getting better. What did it, I have no clue.

Well, at the moment I am still single. I am hoping I can get my sister or brother to start taking me clubbing, and to see live bands. That is what would probably help me out more then anything. But, for those who haven't noticed...I am tired of being single. I want a best friend, I want a lover, and I want someone I can put my trust and love in. Not too much to ask right? That is what I hope for eventually. Right now, I would be happy with even a single date. Can't seem to get one of those for whatever reason.

The finer points of Internet Dating

Ok, so sometimes it does take a scam to make one cheer up.... particularly if you have fun with it. Was on http://www.singlesnet.com and got a note from a girl...I will call her K. Well, first thing she said was that she was a teacher in Ohio. Ok, that sounded reasonable, except spelling and grammer were off, which made a little sense because it was the internet after all and people don't take the time to look over their writing. Well I gave her my fake email so we could talk. This went well for a couple of days. Today, however, K started saying how much she hoped to meet a guy like me in real life, but that she was down. This is wear things started falling apart. She said now she has been in Nigeria for two weeks and can't get out because the guy who proposed for her, left her, and she doesn't have money to pay the bill so they are keeping her there to work it off. Weird? It gets worse. K's parents just happened to die in the past two years, and she left her family because they didn't like her father. So she has no one and is very alone. All she needs is X amount of money to go back. So as soon as I figured out this was scam, I decided to have some fun. So if K asks, I now live at a mental instution and couldn't help out if I wanted to. Mean? Yes. Fun? Definatly! Well, that made my day. Have yet to hear back from her.

Ok, that happened tonight, the topic I really wanted to put my two cents in, is family. I am always surprised that they want to include me in things. The thing that got me thinking more about my family, is that after my sister read my entry and emailed me with some advice, and feedback. This made me realize that the only thing you really have in this world is family, and if you are lucky some good friends. They are always there for you, no matter what life is handing you, or how messed up you seem to be. I just don't understand why it is so hard for me to accept this fact. Well, I guess it also has to do with losing my grandmother. Got me thinking that you only have so much time with them until they are gone.

And so it begins...

There are days, like today, I wonder why I even bother trying to be social and more importantly to seek out companionship. I want to experience life with someone, sure. But it seems like girls my age aren't interested in long term relationships. Well, ok. But don't lead me on. I am ready at this time of my life, to be with someone, to go through hardships together, to go through hapiness together. Even if it is only a good friend. I can find these easy enough of the internet on a game called Second Life. Sure there are some great friends there, and some great loves. But it all ends as soon as you hit exit. How does one find someone to extend their love past a screen, and in to real life?

More importantly, I suppose, is how do you get yourself back in to normal society after being a hermit for 5+ years? How does one go from being a social recluse into getting back into society? I am not sure about church, as I have had bad experiences with the religion I was brought up, but yet that seems to be the only place here in Utah to socialize. There are friends on Second Life, the Rock n Games radio gang, that I wouldn't mind hanging out with in real life. How does one meet those kind of people in a place where the major dances seem to be the General Conferance dance? I want the piercings, I want the tatto, I want the metal and rock scene. Yeah, as I write I realize I may just want friends right now. But how does one go about doing that?

-Dueling Banjo